PART 1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5 

 

Born Gay or Not? (PART 2: The Lie)

The Occupation
It was an occupation!  Every thought, choice, and feeling filtered through sex for two decades –as a boy, a teen, and a young adult.  Sex was an unquenchable fire that ignited every sense, every reaction, and may even have been a genetic inclination. 

My question today is, ‘what really matters –birth or rebirth?’  When humans fell into sin (recorded in the Bible’s Genesis Story of Creation and Humanity’s Fall), he destroyed all of himself, by that one choice of independence.  Spiritually – humanity died and is dead-in-sin.  Soulically – our thoughts, choices, and feelings were darkened by evil, as death encompassed all of Creation.  Physically –our senses, chemistry, and genetics became sinful, from conception and birth forward throughout all of history.  We are sinful creatures, through and through, inside and out, upon entrance into this world.     
 
Wouldn’t any rationalization of this truth be an attempt to justify our sinful behavior of pagan worship and perversion?  Yes, homosexuality, like any other sin, is but one idolatrous lifestyle.  We are born sin and idol worshippers –even if the idol erected is a man’s genitals.  It is true: all people are born in sin and worship created things.  From this point of reference, the homosexual is born a homosexual.  He/she worships sexual objects, with passion.  In the same way, the liar is born a liar; the murderer a murderer; the thief a thief; the disobedient child a disobedient child, etc...   It is trustworthy to conclude, along with the Apostle Paul that all of humanity –
…suppress the truth by their wickedness…
 
Yes, (we) knew God, but (we) wouldn’t worship him as God or even give him thanks…
(We) began to think up foolish ideas of what God was like.
As a result, (our) minds became dark and confused.
 Claiming to be wise, (we) instead became utter fools.
Instead of worshiping the glorious, ever-living God, we worshiped idols.
(excerpts from Romans 1:18-32, NLT)
 
A Solid Conclusion: we twisted God's truth into lies!
 
And it is our own fault!  We have been blindsided and believed a LIE?  I did!  I believed a LIE!  As a young boy, I believed and sexualized the ‘gnawing(s)’in my mind –
‘boys are more interesting than girls’.
 
And that thought, choice, and feeling erupted into a sexual occupation that damaged me beyond repair, bringing great pains to many.  During those early years, I began to live as a homosexual offender seeking out and manipulating other boys for my own interests and pleasures.  A selfish life, learned early on, identified by an intense hunger and passion.  As a teen and a young adult, my pursuit for male attention through sex, was my only sense of acceptance.  In believing this lie, I received the consequence of a shattered heart and an empty life of betrayal and failure.
 
The Gay Life
For twenty years I practiced homosexual behavior, in secret (as best I could keep the lies spinning).  I lived a double life.  Then from 1992-1994, I lived openly as a ‘gay man’', supporting myself in fraudulent theft.  I was on the run, as a fugitive from justice; followed by four and half years of incarceration, over the course of a decade, across five states. 
 
There came a time I could not continue to live a life of betrayal and crime.
The stress, the paranoia, the consequence paralyzed…
 
The Lord used these emotional tensions to crowd me to the Cross of His Son, Jesus.  In 1994, I was involved in a gay relationship that presented life-long opportunities (at least, in the recesses of my sinfully delusional mind).  He was an agnostic and involved politically with the gay agenda (or wanted to be).  It was this man, along with a few others, God used to confront me with Joshua 24:15 –
‘...choose you this day whom you will serve’ – a man’s body and comfort or God?
 
This man conditioned our relationship. He required me to cherry-pick between being a Christian and being gay. 
He made me choose – him or God!
 
My lover believed I was guilt-ridden, unable to live a productive life, and causing my closest friends much distress and misery —being so double-minded.  He was right! God had drawn the line.  I knew how disobedient I'd lived.  I also knew I could NOT deny the truth of the Gospel of Jesus Christ.  That fall of 1994, I chose to surrender myself to the Lord; but this time, in a repentance that leads to a life of saving faith (Acts 11:18; Romans 10:9-13) –
For a real salvation!
 
I found Life in Jesus’ Death, Burial, Resurrection, and Enthronement – His Ascension and Seating!
What a glorious new Life!
 
The gay life occupied my thought, choices, and feelings for two decades.  Freedom exchanged that occupation for Jesus’ Life –and I grew to know Jesus as my Lord, Lamb, Life, and Liberator! 

Set Free
As I drove away from that drowning darkness, I recognized that I could never go back to homosexuality or crime. God would not allow it!  At the same time, I realized I could not stop such sinning.  My desires were same-sexed.  My words were full of lies.  I enjoyed the lifestyle that fraudulent theft provided.  I stole because I didn’t see another way to obtain the kind of money and influence I felt I deserved.  I lied before I was even aware of the thought.   Sex occupied my thinker, chooser, and feeler.  People, places, and things were just a game of chess for me; a playground I strove to control as a means of personal gain.   
 
But that day, something was different; and over the days that followed, I vowed to God to remain sexually pure, and to be celibate, even if my homosexual desires never changed.  But very quickly and with a loud fiery tension, Holy Spirit showed me how shallow my vows really were.  He showed me almost two decades of trying to change, but of complete failure. The evidence was clear, I would fail again.  Driving away, I cried out to God with an angry broken heart –
‘I can't do it!’
 
And that swelling deep inside, I've come to recognize as God's voice, crescendo(ed) in thunder –
‘Ron, I can do it for you!’
 
As I chose to believe God, He began to heal the brokenness of my heart and to fill the empty void of my life with Himself. He began to change me from the inside out. He took a dirty, ugly, immoral life and made me clean! He set me FREE!
If the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed'!
(John 8:36, ESV)
 
My journey out of the gay life began October 31, 1994, the moment I asked Jesus into my life.  He gave me a NewHeart and a new spirit, in which Jesus came to live His Life in me. Hallelujah!!! 
 
Holy Spirit began to reveal to my new heart, so many Bible truths my Daddy had taught me as a boy.  Things that made sense to my brain, but never really took hold in my heart, grabbed me and would not let go.  Jesus captured me with His marvelous and amazing grace!  He gave me a new heart; exchanging rebellion for repentance –a turning from sins and self-living.  God birthed in me saving faith; and I received forgiveness of all my sin(s) –past, present, and future (Romans 3:23-25; 4: 24-25; Colossians 2:11-14).  And He gave me His Spirit and Eternal Life!
And the most amazing journey began!
 
  
Continue on to PART 3: The NewHeart                                                                                     PART 1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5