This blog is presented by NHE's Editor Hope Browning.
For many years I identified myself as a sexually abused victim. As a child growing up that was not the case. I did not realize that what I experienced on a regular basis was sexual abuse. I did not know what sex was or wasn’t. For me, it was just my life. I knew that I was not normal and that my life was different from other kids and yet it was the only normal that I knew. I was so afraid that someone would find out about me.
Every year at Christmas time I would get to watch Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer. I longed to live on the island of misfit toys. The toys did not perform the way they were supposed to by everyone’s standards but if Santa took them to the island of misfit toys they could be accepted just as they were. If I could just go there, I wouldn’t have to be afraid that someone would find out about me. It wouldn’t matter what happened in secret. It wouldn’t matter that I was not what I was supposed to be. . . a normal kid. I could be accepted just as I was.
As I grew toward my teenage years, I attempted to covered up being different by becoming what I thought other people wanted me to be. I did not know that it was alright to have my own thoughts and ideas. I am now learning to have my own thoughts and ideas.
It does not always feel safe to share my thoughts with others. What I do know to be true. . . my identity is now in Christ. I no longer have to be worried about what other’s think of me. I know what my God thinks of me and that is what matters. That is not to say that I never struggle with who I am. It is a growing process. I can count it all joy because I know who He is.
Because of Him,