True Repentance Demostrated: PART 3
The Extent of My Sexual Brokenness
But was homosexuality the extent of my sexual brokenness? Yes and No... I began to recognize myself as a homosexual about the age of 10, when I learned what the word meant. I had my first gay, one-year, relationship, about the age of 15 with another 15 year old. As I grew up and became an adult, I still looked like a 12 to 15 year old. So, my early adult years were frequented by sexual encounters, with 14 to 17 years boys.
Then at 22, I married a woman—a true and living female! Culture would define my sexual identity as bisexual. But the truth was I preferred guys! Yet, I wanted to prove to everyone, including myself that I was straight.
When my first wife discovered my lies, stealing, and sexual indiscretions, she left. Who wouldn’t?
About that same time, it would seem my sexuality began to ‘grow up’. And my partners became age appropriate —i.e., they became legal. But those young men were still a part of my past adult life. Yet, no one seemed to want to talk about it; so there were no legal consequences. Until, I was trying to help a 15 year old boy, in one of my song-and-dance ensembles. He ‘outed’ himself to me quite by accident. That means, he didn’t tell me he was gay; he showed me he was gay. And there was no denying his mistake.
Over the following six months, this boy and I had many conversations about God and sexuality. It seemed he wanted to know why I had left the gay life behind, and how. The problem was I still thought and felt gay. And my behaviors were on a slippery slope. My freedom was just too fresh. And, if I am honest, I didn’t have the skills to help this young man or anyone else.
I sealed my own fate, by trying to connect with him, through sharing some of my own past experiences and passions. When his parents discovered the nature of our conversation, they were not happy to say the least. And that boy turned all those stories into his story—his story about me and him. And I was arrested.
I alibied three of the five charges, with over a hundred witnesses as to my whereabouts. But I could not alibi the other two. So, when the prosecutor came to me with one year in prison, instead of five to ten if I went to trial and lost. I took the deal. I rationalized my decision with—I want to go home to my family, while my kids are still kids. One of the biggest mistakes of my life! Today, I register with the sex offender’s registry every quarter, because I plead guilty to a sex crime against a minor.
Oh, but wait and think for a moment—I did everything that boy said—just not with him. But please don’t take this as some glorified defense. The sexual tensions were real... the sex play was real... So—